Child development is a very interesting subject. If you are a parent, teacher or childcare worker you are familiar with the phases or stages of development.

Here are some of them:

Newborn or Neonate – birth to 28 days

Infant – 1 to 12 months

Toddler – 1 to 3 years

Preschooler – 3 to 5 years

School Age – 5 to 11 years

Preteen or Tween – 11 to 12 years

Teen – 13 and older

Each phase has its own unique set of joys.  Who can forget the wonder of gazing down into the face of the miracle that is your newborn son or daughter? And what a joy it is to feel that tiny hand grasp onto your thumb. That first toothless smile can literally melt your heart.  The stages continue in rapid succession as he or she learns to crawl, walk, ride a bike, swim, and before you know it they’re driving the car and leaving for college! 

Each phase also has its own unique set of challenges.  That precious newborn is often gazing up at you at 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. Can you say sleep deprivation?

That precocious preschooler who can recite the alphabet and count to 100 (you’re sure that he’s Harvard-bound) and dress himself also learns to undress himself – and disrobes at the most inopportune times. Can you say awkward?

That bright honor roll student gets to high school and decides to put herself on an “optional homework program”.  Sometimes she does it, sometimes she doesn’t; and she can never quite explain why. So much for Harvard…….

Of all of the phases that our son went through, the most memorable for me is the year from ages 2-3 – sometimes called the “Terrible Two’s.”  Perhaps the word “terrible” is an unfortunate adjective when used to describe this normal stage of development.  It is an amazing stage when the child realizes that he or she is an individual, separate from you. This independence is often hampered by their inability to verbally express their wants and desires. So often they resort to physical expressions like biting or hitting or tantrums.

It can be a time of real frustration for parent and child. This independent little person realizes that they can have possessions – so everything becomes “mine.” They realize that they can make choices and their answer to most questions is “no” (sometimes punctuated by the stomp of a tiny little foot).  This stage can begin when a child is as young as 18 months old. Or it can come on quite suddenly; often to parents who are convinced that their little darling would never “act out like that.” For them it comes in the middle of a bank or doctor’s office waiting room. This sudden onset can be a real rager, complete with screaming, running and kicking. Yes, I’ve been there, done that and lived to tell the story; fortunately so did my son.

One of the challenges for me was been how quickly the phases came and went. Just when I mastered one stage, a new one would begin. All in all, it’s been quite a wild ride – and I’ve loved it!

Phases are not confined to childhood; adults go through phases as well. There are the 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s… and they continue on through life. As long as we live there are new stages of development to adjust to; all with their unique joys and challenges.

Now that our son is an adult my husband and I have decided to revisit one of our earlier stages, the “terrible twos”.  We don’t intend to return to biting or tantrums, but we have rediscovered a sense of independence.  The answers to many of our son’s questions is often “no.”

“Mom, can I borrow your car?” No, it’s mine!

“Mom, can I use your iPOD to go to the gym, I can’t find mine?” No, it’s mine!

“Dad, can I take your camcorder to the beach?” No, it’s mine!

Oh yes, it’s phase that we will thoroughly enjoy. How long will it last? Who knows? But it will probably pass eventually. After all, it’s only a phase!