“If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow why, oh why can’t I?”

These lyrics are from “Over the Rainbow”, one of many delightful songs from the movie “The Wizard of Oz”. In the song Dorothy sings of a magical land where “dreams really do come true.”  Childhood is a time of vivid imagination when it is easy to believe that dreams can become reality. Santa Claus, Candyland and chocolate factories can seem quite real. As we move into adulthood we realize that they were just childhood imaginations. But even as adults we continue to have wishes, hopes and dreams. Those dreams provide hope and propel us toward great accomplishments. They can also be a source of frustration as long as they remain unfulfilled. Things that seem so easy for some people are like an impossible dream for others.

With so many human beings on the planet, the things they hope for can vary widely. If you asked 25 different people what their dreams were, you could get as many different answers. However, some of their dreams would be similar – good job, a nice home, healthy children. Having children can be one of life’s greatest joys. There is nothing quite like the feeling of seeing your baby’s first smile, or watching him take his first steps. While many people have experienced these joys, for others parenting seems like an impossible dream. These are people who struggle with the challenge of infertility, the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception.

The problem is more prevalent than you might think.  There are approximately 7.3 million women in this country alone between the ages of 15 and 44 who have an impaired ability to have children. I read a recent newspaper article that told the story of a couple who have been trying to have a family for 11 years. The wife had visited six OBGYNs, had three miscarriages, had a fallopian tube surgery and spent more than $7000.

Infertility has the potential for having profound psychological effects on both men and women. Partners can become more anxious to conceive which can lead to relational discord. Women trying to conceive often have clinical depression. Emotional stress and marital difficulties are greater in couples where the infertility lies with the man. Up to 20% of infertile couples in the Unites States have unexplained infertility.

Medical science has made great strides in the treatment of infertility and offers various treatment options including fertility medication, in vitro fertilization (IVF) and other forms of assisted reproductive technology (ART). Some women even engage in medical tourism; traveling to other countries to seek fertility treatments.

These treatments can be quite costly, so women without significant financial means cannot even consider seeking treatment.

The psychological ramifications can be severe. Even though the cause of infertility may be physical, and out of her control, the woman often feels like she has failed. And month after month when conception does not occur, that sense of failure increases. It seems that everywhere she goes – to the market, to the mall, to church – she is surrounded by pregnant women, babies, and even teenage mothers. If she could rewrite Dorothy’s song, it might end like this:

“If all these ladies walking by can have a baby why, oh why can’t I”?

Infertility can also refer to a woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term. Miscarriage has been defined as the spontaneous end of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or fetus is incapable of surviving. As one who experienced several miscarriages I know firsthand the excruciating disappointment that comes with this tragic experience. Often the woman or couple has to suffer the loss alone, since possibly no one knew that she was pregnant anyway. While a doctor can dismiss it as an imperfect embryo, the woman knows that it was much more – it was the loss of her baby. And she has to walk through the stages of grief: shock, pain, anger, working through and eventually and hope. But she is always plagued by the question, “Why?”

Unfortunately her doctor doesn’t always have an answer to that question. As a woman of faith she turns to God, who doesn’t always give her the answer she’s looking for. Sometimes His answer is “yes”, sometimes it’s “no”, and at other times it’s simply “wait”. I am thankful that after a time of waiting, I was blessed with a strong, healthy baby boy. But I’ve never forgotten the difficulty of the experience.

If you have children, be thankful. I know that sometimes that’s difficult when you’re dealing with dirty diapers and sassy teenagers, but they really are a blessing.  And remember to pray for the women who are still asking, “Why, oh why can’t I?”