I’ll hang on steadfastly, as long as he needs me”

These are the opening lyrics of a love song from the Broadway Musical “Oliver”. Although the character is singing about her lover, I’d like to give the song a slightly different spin. Imagine it being sung by a mother to her son. The first time I looked into my newborn son’s eyes I realized how very dependent he was on me. He needed me and from that very moment I’ve always been there for him; providing everything from mother’s milk to midnight math tutoring sessions to moral support.  And I have loved the journey. It has been a constantly changing journey because as he has grown, his needs have changed. First he was a hungry newborn who wanted to nurse every 2 hours. I remember very clearly the day, a few months later, when he decided that he really preferred the bottle. I thought sadly, “He doesn’t need me”. But of course he still did.

Then there was the day that my husband and I dropped him off at his first day of kindergarten. After a quick kiss goodbye he scampered off to his classroom eager to embrace his new world. Although I was glad that he was adjusting so well, part of me thought sadly, “He doesn’t need me”. But of course he still did.

Then there was prom night when he and his friends and their dates climbed into the limousine and sped off into the night, leaving us parents standing on the sidewalk clutching our cameras and talking about how quickly they’d all grown up. Once more I felt a little sad and thought, “He doesn’t need me”. But of course he still did. He needed us to pay for the limo the tux and his date’s corsage.

Finally the day came when we dropped him off at his college dorm. We were excited about him entering into this new season of his life. We had been planning for months; from SAT tests to visiting college campuses during his senior year in high school. It had been a whirlwind of activity for all of us.  Helping him shop for his dorm room had been lots of fun. We arrived on campus along with the other parents, incoming freshmen and all of their stuff. We got him settled into his room, met his roommate and before we knew it, it was time to say goodbye. I had been so excited about him going off to college that I hadn’t given much thought to how “leaving my baby” would affect me. After a quick kiss goodbye he sauntered off to his dorm room. And once again I thought, “He doesn’t need me”. But of course he still did. He needed us to pay for tuition, books, dorm fees and a quite a few unexpected parking tickets.

As children grow up they are constantly changing; and so are their needs. Thankfully God equips parents to meet those ever-changing needs. He gives us strength to run along behind them to steady the bicycle as they learn to balance. He gives us nerves of steel as we teach them to drive our car. He gives us enough self control to listen calmly as they tell us they accidently wrecked our car.

Now that my son is in his 20’s his needs are those of a young adult who is learning to navigate in an adult world. I enjoy being his mother and his friend. We have some great chats over coffee or lunch – especially when I’m paying.

The last line of the song is,  “I’m going to stay true just as long as he needs me”.

It’s nice to know that he always will.

Spinning classes take place in a fitness studio on stationary bicycles. They are vigorous workouts set to high-energy music where the instructor guides the class through varying levels of exertion. To spinning enthusiasts it is a great workout. To me it’s just a bunch of sweaty people in a little room going absolutely nowhere. Obviously I’m not a fan. It’s not that I mind exertion, but I prefer to move – to go somewhere when I exert. So I would rather jog or powerwalk or ride a bicycle outdoors so that I can see my progress.

For me – and people like me, trusting God and walking by faith can be as challenging as one of those spinning classes. We love the challenge and the adrenalin rush of exertion, but want to be able to track our progress and arrive at our chosen destination.  However, I have learned that God works differently- His ways are definitely nor our ways. As a firm believer that faith without works is dead, I’m a doer. So there have been times in my life when I’ve peddled furiously, expecting to arrive at a particular outcome, only to have circumstances turn out quite differently; or not change at all. At other times when I thought I should be moving, God has directed me to be still…and just let Him be God. And to my surprise – and delight – He has always worked things out, often far better than I even expected; exceedingly, abundantly better. So I’m trying to work at being still; to practice a lifestyle of stillness – which is really tough for a “worker-bee” like me. But it really is the best way. So even though I still pedal my little bike, I’ve learned to place it on the back of God’s truck and let Him drive. After all, He knows the way…..

There is a quiet place

Sheltered by tree and flow´r
There in my quiet hour
With Him my cares are left behind

Whether a garden small
Or on a mountain tall

New strength and courage there I find
Then from this quiet place
I go prepared to face
A new day with love for all mankind

These are the lyrics from a Christian song that was popular in the 1990’s. It paints a beautiful picture of spending time alone with God. In our busy world “quiet” is a seldom-found commodity. Sights, sounds and activity constantly surround us. While the technology boom has brought many improvements to our lives, it has also created a world where we are bombarded with alerts, ringtones and the sounds of other people’s conversations. Although it is difficult to find a quiet place, we need one now more than ever.

The Bible contains numerous scriptures that refer to being quiet and resting. Here are just a few:

“Now stand here quietly before the Lord as I remind you of all the great things the Lord has done for you and your ancestors.” (I Samuel 12:7)

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.” (Psalm 62:5)

“So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.” (Lamentations 3:26)

“Too much activity gives you restless dreams.” (Ecclesiastes 5:3)

“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness andconfidence is your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15)

“But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today”. (Exodus 14:13)

“But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory” (2 Chronicles 20:17)

“He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams” (Psalm 23:2)

Many scriptures in the New Testament give accounts of Jesus going away by himself to a quiet place to pray. In Mark 6:31 he advised his disciples to do the same thing. In Mark 6:31 he told them” “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.”

It is only in times of quietness and rest that we can really get in touch with ourselves – and God. The first stanza of the song says:

“There is a quiet place
Far from the rapid pace
Where God can soothe my troubled mind”

We need to carve out some time every day to get away from distractions and just be quiet, connect with and listen to God. It’s not so much that God needs the quiet. As T.W. Tozer said, “An infinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children.  He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others.” If God can love each one of us and hear all of our prayers at the same time, apparently He is the ultimate multi-tasker. So it’s not God that needs the quiet, it is us. He created human beings with a daily need to renew and recharge and that is only accomplished in our “down time.”

“True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.”  ~William Penn

So today – and every day – make some time to unplug and just “be”.  Be still and know – recognize – meditate on the fact that He is God. Everything else will fall into place.

These lyrics are from “Over the Rainbow”, one of many delightful songs from the movie “The Wizard of Oz”. In the song Dorothy sings of a magical land where “dreams really do come true.”  Childhood is a time of vivid imagination when it is easy to believe that dreams can become reality. Santa Claus, Candyland and chocolate factories can seem quite real. As we move into adulthood we realize that they were just childhood imaginations. But even as adults we continue to have wishes, hopes and dreams. Those dreams provide hope and propel us toward great accomplishments. They can also be a source of frustration as long as they remain unfulfilled. Things that seem so easy for some people are like an impossible dream for others.

With so many human beings on the planet, the things they hope for can vary widely. If you asked 25 different people what their dreams were, you could get as many different answers. However, some of their dreams would be similar – good job, a nice home, healthy children. Having children can be one of life’s greatest joys. There is nothing quite like the feeling of seeing your baby’s first smile, or watching him take his first steps. While many people have experienced these joys, for others parenting seems like an impossible dream. These are people who struggle with the challenge of infertility, the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception.

The problem is more prevalent than you might think.  There are approximately 7.3 million women in this country alone between the ages of 15 and 44 who have an impaired ability to have children. I read a recent newspaper article that told the story of a couple who have been trying to have a family for 11 years. The wife had visited six OBGYNs, had three miscarriages, had a fallopian tube surgery and spent more than $7000.

Infertility has the potential for having profound psychological effects on both men and women. Partners can become more anxious to conceive which can lead to relational discord. Women trying to conceive often have clinical depression. Emotional stress and marital difficulties are greater in couples where the infertility lies with the man. Up to 20% of infertile couples in the Unites States have unexplained infertility.

Medical science has made great strides in the treatment of infertility and offers various treatment options including fertility medication, in vitro fertilization (IVF) and other forms of assisted reproductive technology (ART). Some women even engage in medical tourism; traveling to other countries to seek fertility treatments.

These treatments can be quite costly, so women without significant financial means cannot even consider seeking treatment.

The psychological ramifications can be severe. Even though the cause of infertility may be physical, and out of her control, the woman often feels like she has failed. And month after month when conception does not occur, that sense of failure increases. It seems that everywhere she goes – to the market, to the mall, to church – she is surrounded by pregnant women, babies, and even teenage mothers. If she could rewrite Dorothy’s song, it might end like this:

“If all these ladies walking by can have a baby why, oh why can’t I”?

Infertility can also refer to a woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term. Miscarriage has been defined as the spontaneous end of a pregnancy at a stage where the embryo or fetus is incapable of surviving. As one who experienced several miscarriages I know firsthand the excruciating disappointment that comes with this tragic experience. Often the woman or couple has to suffer the loss alone, since possibly no one knew that she was pregnant anyway. While a doctor can dismiss it as an imperfect embryo, the woman knows that it was much more – it was the loss of her baby. And she has to walk through the stages of grief: shock, pain, anger, working through and eventually and hope. But she is always plagued by the question, “Why?”

Unfortunately her doctor doesn’t always have an answer to that question. As a woman of faith she turns to God, who doesn’t always give her the answer she’s looking for. Sometimes His answer is “yes”, sometimes it’s “no”, and at other times it’s simply “wait”. I am thankful that after a time of waiting, I was blessed with a strong, healthy baby boy. But I’ve never forgotten the difficulty of the experience.

If you have children, be thankful. I know that sometimes that’s difficult when you’re dealing with dirty diapers and sassy teenagers, but they really are a blessing.  And remember to pray for the women who are still asking, “Why, oh why can’t I?”

Although it is laughable, it reminds me of how we adults often react to change. We are creatures of habit who do not like to have our routines disrupted. When pushed out of our comfort zones, we tend to kick and scream. We blame God, we blame our circumstances, and we even blame the government. But eventually we learn that change is part of life.

Life is full of growth opportunities and change is required for growth. As John Maxwell said,” If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone.” Although our son was initially uncomfortable with the bathing experience, it wasn’t long before he learned to love it. When we allow ourselves to be open to new experiences they can be quite enjoyable and beneficial. 

You probably have some favorite quotes about change. Here are a few of mine:

“Change always comes bearing gifts.”  ~Price Pritchett

“Those who expect moments of change to be comfortable and free of conflict have not learned their history.”  ~Joan Wallach Scott

“Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.”  ~Pauline R. Kezer

“It’s the most unhappy people who most fear change.”  ~Mignon McLaughlin,

“Every single thing changes and is changing always in this world.  Yet with the same light the moon goes on shining.”  ~Saigyo

“Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.”  ~Bertold Brecht

“The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists.”  ~Japanese Proverb

“They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.”  ~Confucius

“When you are through changing, you are through.”  ~Bruce Barton

My absolute favorite change quote is: “God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.”  ~Author Unknown

So let’s learn to accept change as an inevitable part of our lives. As people of faith we believe that God will work things out for our good. Psalm 37:23 says, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”

Life is full of changes, let’s embrace them!

String beans provide a number of health benefits including impressive antioxidant capacity. In addition to being healthy, they are tasty and quite easy to cook. I simply get a large pot, a little oil, and some smoked meat, an onion – well, before I give away my “secret” recipe, suffice it to say, I can whip up a tasty pot of beans.  However, one of the things that I like least about string beans is the strings. So before cooking I wash them, trim the ends and remove the strings that run lengthwise down the seam of the pod. It can be a time-consuming process, but it is the only way to ensure that there are no strings. Although some varieties are bred to be stringless, the ones that I run across tend to have strings. And I have found that the older or larger the beans, the more likely they are to have strings. Old string beans have big strings.
 
If you will humor me, I would like to draw a parallel between string beans and human beings.  As a student of human nature, I have noticed that people can have strings too. And the older they are, the more likely they are to have lots of strings (issues) like bitterness, unforgiveness, hatred, jealousy, anger. The list can get quite long. If they allow these “strings” to take over their lives, they become quite “unpalatable” to the rest of us. Admittedly, life can be difficult and often deals us blows that leave our heads spinning and hearts broken. I’ve endured a few life-shattering experiences myself. I do not understand why bad things happen to good people, or why certain injustices exist in our world. But I also know that I cannot afford to allow the strings to attach themselves to me and choke the joy out of my life. So just like I go though the time-consuming process of removing strings before I cook string beans, I make a daily effort to remove the strings that can so easily attach themselves to my heart and mind. It is a daily task, but it is well worth the effort. It involves, reading God’s word, meditating on His truth, prayer and maintaining a positive outlook. There are also times when I have needed to reach out to others for help.  My husband, friends, pastors, and counselors have been all been instrumental in helping me “remove the strings” from my life.
 
So I encourage you to take a look at the strings in your life and don’t be afraid to do a little trimming.  You will live a lot freer with no strings attached.

A recently published list of the 30 most beautiful women in the world included Tyra Banks, Scarlett Johansson, Aishwarya Rai, Gabrielle Union, and Claudia Lynx.  Bar Refaeli, Pippa Middleton, Leona Lewis, and Selita Ebanks top the list of 2011 cover girls.

When I think of the most beautiful women of my lifetime I think about another less-publicized group; the “church ladies” of the 50’s and 60’s. They were the glamour girls of my childhood. My mother and her friends stepped out every Sunday, dressed in finery from head to toe. They wore dresses or suits, hats, gloves, beautiful jewelry, silk stockings and high-heeled shoes that always matched their purses.  And depending on the weather, these ensembles were often topped with a mink stole, jacket or full-length coat. These ladies adorned the church pews like so many flowers in bloom. Honey, those “dignified divas” had it going on! As little girls we looked up to them with admiration, anticipating the day when we could dress up like that. As a matter of fact, playing “dress up” was one of our favorite games. Our mothers would give us some of their older pieces to play with and we were quite a spectacle stumbling around on high heels that were much too big, necklaces that hung to our knees and of course, hats.

In 1998, North Carolina photographer Michael Cunningham began taking pictures of women in their hats. His friend, journalist Craig Marberry, thought they should put together a book of the photos and the stories behind them. Marberry was curious why so many African-American women wear flamboyant hats to church. “I think it’s because it’s rooted in the African tradition that says that when one presents oneself before God… that you should be at your best –- that you should present excellence before the Almighty,” Marberry says. “And that tradition of adorning the head for worship is a very African tradition.” Their book, “Crowns: Portraits of Black Women in Church Hats” was adapted into a musical stage play by Regina Taylor. The characters use the hats to tell stories concerning everything from the etiquette of hats to their historical and contemporary social functioning.

In many churches the tradition of dressing up continues to this day. And although styles have changed, those “dignified divas” are still resplendent in their Sunday finery. Does it really matter what you wear to church? Of course not, God loves each one of us the same no matter how we’re dressed. It is all a matter of personal preference. However, I prefer to dress up and yes, I’ve been known to wear a hat from time to time. I proudly wear my “crown” as I join the dignified divas of the 21st century.

No doubt, you are familiar with this Christmas poem by Clement Moore. I remember my mother reading it to me when I was quite small. I must admit, not every detail of the poem made sense to me. My mother did not sleep in a kerchief, my father did not sleep in a cap and I had no clue what sugarplums were. But it did paint a nice picture of Christmas morning, which for us children was all about the gifts. We would tip into the living room early on Christmas morning and find that it had been transformed into a wonderland of beautifully wrapped packages of all shapes and sizes. We could hardly wait to tear into them to find what was inside.Ah, those packages. Each one was a different size, shape or color. Some had ribbons, others had bows and each one had a name- tag that indicated who it belonged to. Some were very heavy and others were very light – it all depended on the treasure inside.  In no time at all the living room would be transformed from a colorful landscape of beautifully wrapped packages into a toy land – with lots of discarded boxes, wrapping paper and bows. You see, what really mattered to us was not the packages, but what was inside.

Unfortunately, as we’ve grown into adulthood, we’ve forgotten the lesson, “It’s what’s inside that counts”. Our society focuses more on external attributes than internal values. There is an obsession with hair and makeup and beauty products. Television runs countless commercials about weight loss, hair coloring, exercise equipment and diet products. Heaven forbid, that anyone would look overweight or old. Are you kidding me? Who gets to decide what weight is “overweight” or what age is “old”? It is all relative since we are on a lifelong journey. Each of us is older than we were yesterday. I weighed 6.5 pounds when I was born. Now, a few decades later I weigh considerably more. Am I overweight? It’s all relative!

The emphasis on our “external packaging” saddens me because of the damage that it does to people’s self esteem. There have been too many instances of people ruining their health with eating disorders in an attempt to attain an ideal weight or size. I’ve heard of women who died unexpectedly during an elective plastic surgery procedure. Is a little nip/tuck really worth dying for?

Of course we all want to look our best. But too often so much emphasis is placed on external beauty that internal values are overlooked. When was that last time that you saw a commercial promoting honesty or integrity or kindness? Many of the people we consider most beautiful are sorely lacking in character. We would do well to work as hard on the internal values.  We can fool each other by looking good on the outside, but that doesn’t make up for lack of character.

In the 23rd chapter of Matthew, Jesus had some strong words to say to the religious leaders of his day about this.

“What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs—beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity. (Matthew 23:27). 

Much of the cruelty and discrimination in our world is based on “external packaging”.  How sad, since that packaging will not last. I’ve officiated at many funerals and no matter how good a job the mortician has done, the departed is only a shell of what he or she once was. I normally allow a section in the service for people to come up and share what the person meant to them. I have never heard anyone talk about how long & luxurious their hair was, how their biceps bulged or what a tiny waist they had. The memories tend to be about the relationship or a particular kindness or good deed.  It’s what’s inside that counts.

It is doubtful that Christmas packages can communicate with each other, but if they could, I don’t think they would spend time making fun of each other. They’d realize that each one is unique and holds a very special treasure.

We would do well to remember that each one of us is also unique and holds a very special treasure.  I think that the following poem by Don Rotha sums it up very well.

When you look at me, I’m not what you see,
It’s what’s inside that holds the key.
I may look old, but that’s not bad.
Inside of me, I’m just a lad.
Appearances can cause a start,
But everybody has a heart.
We live, we love, we laugh, we cry.
We store our memories and then we die.
So when you look upon this man,
Try to imagine, if you can,
The love that’s stored within my heart,
Will go with me, when I depart.

It’s what’s inside that counts!

What is tooth decay and when does it occur? It occurs when your teeth are frequently exposed to foods containing carbohydrates such as starches and sugars like soda pop, candy, cake and even sticky fruits. The primary options for treating tooth decay are filling, crown, root canal or extraction. The goal of treatment is to preserve tooth structures and prevent further destruction of the tooth.

If left untreated, tooth decay can have serious consequences. An extreme complication can be an abscess; a collection of infected material resulting from bacterial infection of the center or pulp of the tooth. This infection can spread into the bloodstream and have serious, even fatal consequences.

Decay has become widespread in our society, but it goes far beyond tooth decay. We are surrounded by social decay, cultural decay and moral decay. I am especially concerned with the lack of commitment to facts; truth decay. This poison has infected every area of our society.

We’ve all seen supermarket tabloids that feature stories about aliens landing, 6- headed animals or even stories about celebrities that are completely fabricated. Are these stories true? No, but they sell. Even some of our news programs, in the interest of getting ratings, play fast and loose with the truth. Websites like www.factcheck.org and www.snopes.com have become quite useful tools for determining the validity of stories. Some of the most respected figures in our society; politicians, celebrities, corporate officers and even ministers have been found guilty of misrepresenting the truth. Sadly, accountability and integrity are viewed as optional character traits.

You see, a commitment to truth comes with responsibility. As one sage wrote, “The truth is heavy, therefore few care to carry it.” It is easier to just go with the flow. However, if we choose to do that, we will pay a very heavy price.

Wise men and philosophers have pondered the importance of truth down through the ages. Here are some of their thoughts:

• “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”– John 8: 32
• “As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.” —Josh Billings
• “Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened”– Winston Churchill
• “In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act”–George Orwell
•  “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes”—Mark Twain
•  “The folks who know the truth aren’t talking…. The ones who don’t have a clue, you can’t shut them up!” –Tom Waits
•  “Once your soul has been enlarged by a truth, it can never return to its original size.” –Blaise Pascal

 Each of us has a choice. We can allow the decay to continue or we can make a commitment to upholding truth. What will you do?