”To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.”  ~Josh Billings
 
There are thousands of quotes about parenting and these are few of my favorites. Parenting has been one of the most rewarding and most challenging things that my husband and I have shared. It has also been one of the most emotional. Like Elizabeth Stone said, “Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” It has been quite a ride and it’s one that has been a tremendous blessing to our lives.
 
Now that our son is a young adult we can look back and even laugh at some of the stages we went through. We can also focus on our own plans for the next stage of our lives. When I think about that stage a few more of my favorite quotes come to mind:
 
“Children are a great comfort in your old age – and they help you reach it faster, too.” ~Lionel Kauffman
 
“It kills you to see them grow up.  But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.”  ~Barbara Kingsolver
 
“Human beings are the only creatures on Earth that allow children to come back home.” ~ Bill Cosby
 
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” ~ Phyllis Diller
 
Phyllis Diller’s quote really strikes a chord with us because it’s right in line with what we’re planning to do. When our son turns 50, we plan to move in with him.  That’s right, on his 50th birthday we will arrive on his doorstep with suitcases in hand (and a puppy). Since he’ll probably have his own wife & children by that time, his entire family will get to enjoy this wonderful visit.  No doubt, we will be the most memorable houseguests they’ll ever have.
 
We plan to:

• Put our feet up on the couch, with our shoes on
• Misplace all of the remotes
• Turn on every light in the house – and leave them on
• Leave wet towels in the bottom of the laundry hamper
• Leave only 2 squares on the toilet paper roll, but never replace it; after all, it isn’t empty
• Drink the last of the milk and put the empty carton back into the refrigerator
• Borrow his car and bring it back home with only a tiny bit of gas left in the tank
• Assure him that we have no idea how the dent got into the fender
• As a matter of fact if he ever asks us why we do any of the things we do, our standard answer will be “We don’t know”

Yes, we’re going to have some good times. Although the phrase “parental payback” sounds a little harsh, it does have a certain ring to it. But I prefer to think of this plan as our “parental promise”.  What’s on your parental promise list?

Here are some of them:

Newborn or Neonate – birth to 28 days

Infant – 1 to 12 months

Toddler – 1 to 3 years

Preschooler – 3 to 5 years

School Age – 5 to 11 years

Preteen or Tween – 11 to 12 years

Teen – 13 and older

Each phase has its own unique set of joys.  Who can forget the wonder of gazing down into the face of the miracle that is your newborn son or daughter? And what a joy it is to feel that tiny hand grasp onto your thumb. That first toothless smile can literally melt your heart.  The stages continue in rapid succession as he or she learns to crawl, walk, ride a bike, swim, and before you know it they’re driving the car and leaving for college! 

Each phase also has its own unique set of challenges.  That precious newborn is often gazing up at you at 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. Can you say sleep deprivation?

That precocious preschooler who can recite the alphabet and count to 100 (you’re sure that he’s Harvard-bound) and dress himself also learns to undress himself – and disrobes at the most inopportune times. Can you say awkward?

That bright honor roll student gets to high school and decides to put herself on an “optional homework program”.  Sometimes she does it, sometimes she doesn’t; and she can never quite explain why. So much for Harvard…….

Of all of the phases that our son went through, the most memorable for me is the year from ages 2-3 – sometimes called the “Terrible Two’s.”  Perhaps the word “terrible” is an unfortunate adjective when used to describe this normal stage of development.  It is an amazing stage when the child realizes that he or she is an individual, separate from you. This independence is often hampered by their inability to verbally express their wants and desires. So often they resort to physical expressions like biting or hitting or tantrums.

It can be a time of real frustration for parent and child. This independent little person realizes that they can have possessions – so everything becomes “mine.” They realize that they can make choices and their answer to most questions is “no” (sometimes punctuated by the stomp of a tiny little foot).  This stage can begin when a child is as young as 18 months old. Or it can come on quite suddenly; often to parents who are convinced that their little darling would never “act out like that.” For them it comes in the middle of a bank or doctor’s office waiting room. This sudden onset can be a real rager, complete with screaming, running and kicking. Yes, I’ve been there, done that and lived to tell the story; fortunately so did my son.

One of the challenges for me was been how quickly the phases came and went. Just when I mastered one stage, a new one would begin. All in all, it’s been quite a wild ride – and I’ve loved it!

Phases are not confined to childhood; adults go through phases as well. There are the 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s… and they continue on through life. As long as we live there are new stages of development to adjust to; all with their unique joys and challenges.

Now that our son is an adult my husband and I have decided to revisit one of our earlier stages, the “terrible twos”.  We don’t intend to return to biting or tantrums, but we have rediscovered a sense of independence.  The answers to many of our son’s questions is often “no.”

“Mom, can I borrow your car?” No, it’s mine!

“Mom, can I use your iPOD to go to the gym, I can’t find mine?” No, it’s mine!

“Dad, can I take your camcorder to the beach?” No, it’s mine!

Oh yes, it’s phase that we will thoroughly enjoy. How long will it last? Who knows? But it will probably pass eventually. After all, it’s only a phase!